Without preamble, here is what is on my mind.
I had a dream last night. I don’t know where it came from or why or what (really) to make of it. But it has weighed on my heart and soul all day, and I am (a little) afraid of seeing her again tonight.
In this dream, my wife and I were staying at a resort or vacation home with other family and friends. My wife and I were upstairs in the master bedroom getting ready for the day when a woman came upstairs and asked for help. She said she was pregnant and the baby was coming. My wife delivered the baby there on the bed with no problems. The mysterious woman said “thank you” and walked out, saying she did not want the baby. My wife wrapped the baby in a bedsheet and helped the woman downstairs.
As I came out of the bathroom where I had been hiding (sounds realistic, doesn’t it?) I looked at this newborn baby girl. She looked back at me and smiled, not just with her mouth, but here eyes as well. They shone with such love and beauty that I was smitten. We kept the baby. We raised her as our own. And she loved me more than anyone. She would sit on my lap or cuddle or play, but always with eyes for me. I loved her so much, which is odd, because I don’t really recall feeling much in any dream I’ve had.
When she was three years old, a dark-haired, dark-eyed precious girl, her birth mother called and said she wanted the child. We had no legal way to keep her and (in the dream) had to agree to give up our daughter to someone we did not feel was worthy of her.
As I tucked my sweet daughter (for she was mine, truly) into her bed that night and tried to explain that tomorrow she would go with her family she looked at me with those eyes, full of love and trust, and stated, “I don’t want to dad. I want to stay with my real family.” I couldn’t stop the tears in my own eyes from spilling out because I couldn’t stand the thought of giving her up. I explained again, gently, that it was what we had to do. She just turned her head and said, “Okay dad.” And in her look, I could read what she felt. Love, perfect trust, and sorrow at the circumstances that were taking us apart, but above all, obedience to the one she loved.
I woke up with tears flowing from my eyes this morning. I can’t exactly recall her face, but I can recall perfectly her expressions, which is odd to me. And I’ve been trying all day to read into the meaning, if there is one, of the dream in which I had another daughter, and then lost her.
But if I may, I would like to draw a parallel. 2000 years ago, a father gave up his precious son to a world that would not claim him or accept him. They weren’t worthy of him and gave him away. But the son was obedient, with perfect trust and love, and completed a marvelous work, even a wonder, the wonder of the entire world. The first gift given, the only gift we will receive that makes any difference in the long run, has come to us.
As I write this, with much tenderness of heart, and tears still in my eyes, please express your love to those who are with you and believe me when I wish you, a very Merry Christmas.
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