On Thanks

There has been this theme going through my head lately, revolving around Thanksgiving and what it means to me this year.  Each year, the holidays mean something a little different due to the context of my life when they occur.  This year, it is centered on a friend being shot in the line of duty and having attended other funerals for officers in the last several months.
When I got home from helping on the man hunt in Moab, I was in a bit of an emotional turmoil.  I felt like I didn't belong at home, that it was not right that I should be with my wife and children when others were in the field, in terrible weather, or in a hospital bed unconscious.  It was hard, really hard, to sit down and shed the "on-duty" mentality and go back to my normal, at-home life.  And the next day it was Thanksgiving and time for reflection.  My parents and my wife's parents were there with us and we went around the table, each expressing one thing we were grateful for.  I watched my children, and thought of my friend who was laying in a hospital bed somewhere, unaware of his wife and children and parents holding a silent vigil for him.  Wondering how his wife could possibly answer the questions those children might have.  "When will daddy be better?"  "Why did he get shot?"  "Will the man try again to hurt him or hurt us?"  "When will we go home?"  Can you imagine trying to explain to a sweet little girl the answers to those questions?  It makes my heart ache and my eyes tear up just thinking about it.  So I come to this conclusion:  Sometimes we are grateful for what we have.  And sometimes we are grateful for what we don't have.  This year, I am grateful my friend is still alive.  I am grateful his problems are not my problems.  I am grateful to help, in even a small way, the efforts to bring about a measure of justice. 
Looking ahead, I can see challenges approaching in my own life I will have to face.  No-one's life is perfect.  But this dose of perspective makes them seem doable, something I can overcome.  Maybe that perspective is the real source of giving thanks.  A little humility.  A little compassion for others.  A little hope for the future.  All that equals gratitude for what is, and sometimes for what is not. 
Knowing that we are not alone, that others are out there struggling and winning, helps me keep the faith.  When we all have perspective we can take care of each other. Peace and perspective to all of you out there.